Patience is a virtue. I shall wait :-)

Ahah, great. great. great.
Fuck

Hi.

this life is boring.
can we fast forward please.

I've been looking at pictures, we've gone through a lot.

Anith is a bitch.
Don't bitch with my Farah.

we all fall down

I called Farah yesterday, and she answered.
The last time I called her was October 20th.
9 Days. Hm.
We talked, like a lot. About our friggin lives.
Complaining. Complaining and complaining.
Hahaha.

She told me that, she's just too tired with EARTH, not life, just EARTH.
she said she wanted to go to another planet,
and I couldnt agree more.
Hahaha she picked Jupiter,
I picked Pluto.
and then she said,

"Pluto's gonna be cold. You're gonna need your Blue Adidas sweater back "


and I said,

"It's okay. I'll be alright, you still have my sweater ?"

and she said.

"Yeah, did it ever cross your mind that I thrash it. No way man."


so erm, great, she still have my sweater.

Farah's single right now, and I can't tell if she's happy or not.

I miss her and I can't finish my homework because I miss her.
DAMN.

Farah, are you happy like the way it is ?
Your life is so full of laughters,
is things how it seems like?

Stay that way.


I miss you. I wonder what happened to Faqih ?

We all dont want reality.

I miss Farah -.-

I have everything but the girl I want
It's sad but true
And everything but the love I need
To make it trough
And everythime I look into your eyes
That's when I realize
Just how much I love you

Some say lady luck is on my side
And that my life has been an easy ride
But they don't know how many times I cried
'Cause I'm nothing without you



If you wanna know
I love you
Just how much I love you

I remember when I’d run to you
through fields of white flowers.
Your embrace is my air
How I needed you there,
And all of the world and
All of it’s powers
Couldn’t keep your love from me.

Girls like love stories,
Farah doesnt.

I am not gay !
I was just joking farah.

My birthday is January 2nd
I care for people more than most do.
Ask me for a favor and I'll probably do it.
I want piercings oh so bad, and i finally got in.
I write songs which always has a meaning.
All of them are for Farah.
Farah, she's my future wife :)
I play the guitar,!
I'm not who I once was, everyone changes.
I'm a very forgiving person.
I get jealous very easily.
I don't sleep much. Seems like a waste of time.
I'm a pretty cool person.
My hair is naturally wavy.
I hate people who would rather ruin the world than create it.
I believe everyone has the chance to change.
I can't hold a grudge for the life of me.
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.
I want to be a victoria's secret model when I grow up. HAHAHA
My fave animal is a penguin. :3
I can admit when I'm wrong.
If you think I copy you, it's not like you own the shit I like.
I sometimes take things way too seriously.
Time is never on my side.
I may have my faults, but I make up for them.
I'm learning how to stand up for myself, but it's not easy.
I could knit for days on end.
Letting things go is hard for me.
I don't drink or do drugs, it only leads to problems.
Dancing with Farah makes me super happy.
I think it's only right to express yourself.
Growing up sucks, but we all have to at some point.
I don't like to stand with the crowd.
I'm very open minded.
Talk. I'll listen.
Get to know me before you judge me.
I'm trying to figure out who I am slowly, so don't rush me.
Give me a chance, you won't regret it.
In time. I'll have more to offer.

I AM AT THE TOP OF MY RAGE.

Someone's been being a weirdo,
towards my girl.
I can't control myself.
I can't stay here any longer.
I don't wanna be here anymore,
I wanna go back to Malaysia,
and be with Farah.
I'm 1000 miles away,
and i feel useless,
I'm afraid if something bad would happen.
I don't like being apart.
I FEEL USELESS.
and I hope she'll be okay.
She's a tough one,
i doubt but still,
I wanna be there for her.
I miss you Farah :(

The right Train

Continue-

After thee three days she said we should broke up now.

And I didn’t nag. At least there’s something than nothing.

But I know it doesn’t ends there,

It just can’t be.

And so, after that, she told me to stop asking her to be my girlfriend,

And I did as what I was told,

Besides I have been thinking,

She can have the time of her life,

And we should just take our sweet time,

Besides I’m going nowhere,

I’ll be there for her whenever she needs me or doesn’t.

And the days when we’re not together,

We have fun under the sun and the thick grey sky,

I spent time with her a lot,

It’s different,

I spent my time mostly at her house,

We don’t hang out at the mall a lot,

As her dad’s so strict and she cant go out too much.

I’m only allowed to hang out at her place,

And I cant take her out often unless it’s an urgent occasion,

I am truly deeply in love with her.

Just like a fat kid loves cakes.

Lastly,

It was time for me to go.

I didn’t realize I was growing up.

I didn’t feel a thing.

I was going to fucking college,

And I had to leave her for awhile again.

That’s not the right word ey ?

No I didn’t leave her.

It’s just that I was going away for awhile.

COLLEGE. Sounds like cote and I hate it.

One night on a late November,

I went for a dinner with Farah and her family,

To celebrate another occasion,

Which I didn’t remember what it’s about.

And,

I told her I love her,

And she said she loves me too,

Which she rarely does face to face,

I was head over heels.

I asked her,

“Are we going to be together again ?”

“yes”

“when?”

“why ?”

“I’m going away, early January.”

“Away? Where? Why ? Away from me ?”

“I’m going to college, going back to America, I don’t wanna go away from you. But I have to. It’s for my future. Our future.”

“Why can’t you just go to UITM ?”

“Because, I’ll struggle. You know…”

“Are you coming back ?”

“Yes. Of course.”

“How long ?”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Do you think it’ll be long ?”

“Yes, I think so”

“Oh.”

“But I’ll be back.”

“So now what ?”

“Answer me, when are we going to be together again ?”

“Why do you ask me ?”

“Who else?”

“You.”

“Me ?”

“Yes you.”

“What about now ?”

She just smiled with her eyes staring at me full of hunger.

She didn’t seem serious,

But she didn’t seem like she was joking too.

“Was that a yes ?”

“I don’t know. What do you think ?” she smiled again.

“Urm nope ?”

Her smile drops 100 km/h.

“You suck in guessing.”

“So it was a yes?”

“Don’t spoil it Adri Khon.”

I kiss her forehead and said,

“Thanks, you make me the luckiest man on earth.”

That same insane smile appeared.

And I could have gone nuts.

ONE THING ABOUT LOVE IS,

IT IS IS ALWAYS THERE.

IT’S JUST WE’RE CONFUSED AND MAKING IT ALL COMPLICATED.

IT’S THERE ALL ALONG AND YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE UP.

BECAUSE IF YOU DO,

YOU KNOW YOU’RE ON THE WRONG TRAIN.

Because she's special,

It's not fiction,
it's fact.
I am in love with Farah and no one could ever changed that.
I think of her everyday,every night, I am gone, far away from her again.
I miss her, i missed her, and i'll miss her.
I am farah-addict.

I'm a bad writer

Yes yes i know,
I have 0% mood.
Farah's mad at me for not picking her up today.
You have no idea, how guilty I am.
God !
Bye

Results says I'm negative. WOO HOO !

Hey !

I'm fine :)
I just got back from Farah's house,
I was discharged today and I had fun today after days of gloomy and depressing days.
It's true, Farah's my sunshine.
I danced just now and i was fucking hilarious !
Farah said ,i'ma bad dancer,
which is undeniable.
Hahaha xD
Farah even went home early from school today,
she skipped her kelas tambahan because of me.
WOW.
fabulous ey ?
I know,
i think she loves me.













SHE'S GONNA KILL ME.

TOMORROW.

Tomorrow, i'm getting my ass out from here.
The hospital is such a bitchy place for a super cool guy like me,
And i'm crossing my fingers,
wishing Farah would come visit me today.

Gloomy Day in the Smelly Hospital

I am having bad asthmatic problem,
like a baby gasping for air, said my baby Farah.
Farah didnt visit me at the hospital today.
Probably she's too busy with her works and stuff.
I wish she could come tommorow.
I miss her a lot.
The last time I see her was urm ouh yeah,
yesterday but I missed her already really.
I am desperate for some chocolate marshmallows and Halo in front of my face.
well i'm sleepy and i'm going to bed now.
And dear Farah,
if you're reading this,
I LOVE YOU BABE :)

Back to the days when we were toghether

I have tried my best and I still fail. Am I too ugly ? Am I too evil ? Am I too caring or am I not caring enough ? All I know is, I’ve always loved her from the day I met her at Adam’s. Without Adam, there’ll be no Farah, and without Farah, there’ll be no story and I’ll never ever fall in love, and without love, I’d be the same old game-headed stupid Jadri Beyers Khan And I’d rather die if I didn’t get the chance to meet her.

FLASHBACK:

2.00 p.m : Adam and I was playing Guitar Hero. And then, there was a loud bang on the door.

“ADAM ! ADAM ! BUKAK PINTU ! I NAK TENGOK RAMBUT BARU YOU ! ADAM ! BUKAK LAH CEPAT” said that mysterious scary person whose banging on the door vigorously.

“Hah, sapa tu ?” Adam asked.

“Kote speaking (making fake voice) ” she answered.

“Hahaha Diam Ah Farah shemale. Kejap kejap , nk menang dah. Jap jap” Adam answered with a HAHA.

“Okie dokie” she said.

“Sape tu Dam ?” I asked.

“Cousin aku, Farah. She’s pathetic and she’s crazy. Suruh dia masuk weyh.” Said Adam.

“Pahal aku plak ? Malas ah, bilik kau. Kau ah bukak.” I said.

“Bukak je lah. ADRI XDE KOTE.” Adam said.

“Ye ah.” I said.

And so I walk to the door while scratching my ass. What I didn’t know is that , the next 5 seconds, my life’s gonna change and I won’t even know myself anymore.

3 seconds till the big impact… still scratching my ass.

1 seconds till the big impact… tangan turun dari bontot nak bukak pintu.

BIG IMPACT: I opened the door, and I saw a girl. With curly hair. (This was before she changed her hairstyle). Standing right in front of me. Major close up. And then I felt a chill running into spine. I felt different. I was speechless. I FELT DIFFERENT and I just stare at her.

“Baru je nak ketuk pintu, nasib baik tak ketuk kepala kau” that’s the first word she said to me and she pushed me rudely and went into Adam’s room as she jumped on Adam and said

“Nice hair Adam. I think I have a crush on my cousin. Haha as she burst into laughter.”

And I was still stoned by the door.

“Wey, tutup pintu ! Air cond keluar.” Said Adam to me.

I was still staring at her. I don’t give a fuck about Adam. I don’t give a fuck about ANYTHING at that time. In my mind, my brain over stimulates. And thousand things runs in it. I wonder what her full name is, her age, her school, her number, where is she from . and if I could I wanted to ask her at that very moment.

“Weh cibai, tutup ah pintu.” Said Adam again.

And I’m still stoned.

“Let me get that for you cibai haha” Farah said.

“No, it’s okay. I got it. There.” As I closed the door.

She roll her eyes and turn the other direction and hop on the bed. She lay there and said something to Adam and Adam answered,

“Ouh that’s Jadri. Call him Adri. He’s a friend of mine from America.”

In my heart, I was wondering if she’s interested in me, because she asked my name.

(CHILDISH. I KNOW. HAHAHA)

And then she replied to Adam, “………Cool gila.”

And then adam bwat muka.

And then she give me this warm smile and said “Asal kau diri Adri ? Tak penat ke ? Sit down please. Don’t be shy to sit in this room.”

I answered, “haha. Okay. Takde. Haha. Wanna play guitar hero ?”

“Nope. I’m no good. I play certain games only. Pokemon main ?” she asked.

“Tak. Best ? Jom lah main guitar hero. I’m good. I’ll teach.” I said.

“Oh. Pokemon is like motherfucking cool gila ketat-ketat. Eh bosan ah, guitar hero. Kawan I cam ramai main, I rasa cam stupid je. Tak cool lah u ni Adri.” She said.

“Hahaha. BEST ! Pokemon lebih la x best. I mmg x cool pun.” I said.

“Okay, kalau tak best, I tak kenal u k ?” she said.

“Deal.” I said.

And so I gave her the controller.

I taught her the keys and stuff. she’s a fast learner but she asked me like a lot of times. So cute.

And so played with her for a half an hour non stop.

She’s good for a beginner.

And then we start talking about ourselves and she laughs a lot.

She makes funny faces.

And then I start to get comfortable with her.

She even mess my hair.

And then, comes the torn-in-the-heart moment when she have to go and leave Adam’s place.

I asked her to stay longer but she can’t.

I asked her to hang out with me sometimes before I had to leave Malaysia, but she was still in form one.

And form one students still stay at home,

And I thought that’ll be the last time for me to see her.

-FLASHBACK ENDS-

I didn’t get to contact her. I didn’t have any idea of myspace and stuff.

I wasn’t a computer kinda guy. I was only up to playstation and xbox.

She lost her phone at that time.

I didn’t know her address.

And stuff… and I regret for did not take the chance to ask her.

I really thought it was the last time.

And luckily, I THOUGHT WRONG !

It wasn’t the last time after all.

During 2008,

I came back to Malaysia again, to pay my gramps a visit.

I actually get over Farah at that time because I was young and I thought it was only puppy love besides I don’t know a thing about falling in love. I never fall in love. I was a guy and I really thought falling in love is for the weak.

FLASHBACK 2 :

I was at KLCC alone, Adam was busy and so I had to go alone.

I didn’t know what to do.

I’ve done everything there.

I went to Petrosains and I really thought that was stupid.

Going there alone and I wasn’t really into science.

So,

I decided to go to Kinokuniya.

LAMER ! Hahaha.

But guess what, I was browsing the teen fiction section and I grab a book and start reading.

Then there’s a girl, coming around the spot,

Saying,

“Excuse me, coming through”

I back off and I started to have this serious heartache again.

I look up and good gracious,

My world starts spinning again and I could have swear I was…

I don’t know.

“Hey, I know you, right? You’re that guy at Adam’s. What’s your name again ?”

Farah said.

“Farah, hey. Hahaha It’s Jadri babe.”

“Yeah yeah that Jadri guy. Haha. How are you ? Aren’t you suppose to be in Australia?”

“You mean America ? I’m fine. I’m bored. Hahaha. I just got back from Pertrosains. REAL LAME. And I was alone. Can you believe that ? Haha”

“Really cool ! I love petrosains !”

“Yeah ? Wanna go there ?”

“Urm but you just went there.”

“I was alone, and I just walk in there without taking notes”

“Urm. I’m with my family, I’ll call my dad.”

“Okay.”

She took out her phone and called her dad.

“Bah, Farah nak pergi Petrosains, please ? Can ?”

……

“with my old friend Jadri. Not boyfriend. Just friend. Actually Adam’s friend”

………

“Adam Ilham, my cousin, your nephew,”

…..

“I need money bah.”

…….

And then I grabbed the phone and I talked to Farah’s dad.

I can’t believe I have the guts to do so. I guess I was really looking forward to spent time with farah…

Goes on….

“Hello, Uncle. This is Adri.”

“Adri sape ?”

“Jadri, Uncle. I’m farah’s and Adam’s old friend”

“ouh hah. Ape citer ni ?

“Urm can I bring Farah to Petrosains. I’m here alone and Adam couldn’t make it. Besides, Farah thought it’ll be awesome if she can go. Don’t worry it’s my treat.”

“Urm. I don’t think so.You’re a stranger. I won’t allow my daughter to follow a stranger. I never even met you before right ?
“Actually you have, I was at Adam’s. Please uncle ? I won’t be here to often. I have to go back to America next week. I live there. I just come here for a visit.

“America ? Huh? What’s between you and my daughter? “

“Friends but I like her. Hahaha. Just kidding. I meant I like her as a friend. A bestfriend.”

“huh. Right hmm.”

“ Please uncle, I will take care of Farah.”

“Yeah yeah. That’s what I’m worry boy. Not one finger on her okay ?”

“Promise.”

“I’m holding it.”

“yes okay.”

“I’ll be watching okay.”

“okay uncle. Thanks. Farah’ll be fine. Hakuna Matata.Bye”

“Hemm”

Phone call ends.

“Jom.” I said.

“hah ? He approved ?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. I xde duit. Tunggu my dad dtg.”

“Don’t worry my dear, my treat.”

“Really? Cool.”

“Yeah. Thanks for accompany me.”

“Be glad too.” As she gave me that warm smile again”

We walked in Petrosains for a an hour and then her dad call,

I answered it for her since she was too scared.

“Hello uncle.”

“Hah Jadri, pukul brape korang nak keluar ? Uncle nk balik dh lah. Ada hal kat rumah.”

“Ouh. Lambat lagi lah (tipu-tipu) (then farah bwat muka) Why not, you go home first I take Farah home later.”

“Hah? No no. Suruh dia keluar now. With what nak balik nanti ?”

“It’s okay lah uncle.no worries. My mum can sent her back”

“Hah ? where do you live ?”

“At sunway. I can sent her back, don’t worry. My mum won’t mind.”
“No. It’s okay.”

“It’s okay uncle. burn lah , kalau keluar now. We’re haven’t even check out lots of things yet”

“Haihh. Tell your mum first then call me back okay Jadri.”

“Yes uncle.”

Phone call ends.

Pronto I called my mum and she agreed and I call Farah’s dad.

“My mum said no bigs, uncle. I’ll take her home safe and sound k ?”

“Betul ke ni ?”

“yes uncle. Don’t worry she’ll be fine.”

“okay take care of her k ?”

“promise. ”

“ha bye.”

“bye”

ouheqgfrEGVJETohgahnbjrtahoaJBTyqjhbkk qnyhboyrjvshfdigvkjrhcdiueqrfw

and we start to hang out for sometime,

and that’s when I first fall in love with somebody so much.

So gay, I know.

16^th January 2007.

And a week later, I flew back to America,

And America never been so hellish, I can’t wait to see her again.

At the middle of June,

I came back.

The first thing I did was sleep and then I decided to meet her.

I was tired but I was also tired of waiting to meet her.

And that time she just broke up with her ex boyfriend Alfie.

She was sad and stuff and she told me all the tales about their relationship.

I couldn’t figure out why,

He left it broken and not fixing it.

ALFIE YOU’RE SO STUPID.

STUPID STUPID STUPID !

I tried my best cheering her up,

Our usual hang out spot is Subang Parade.

Among all the places,

I don’t know why, we choose that place to be our “USUAL SPOT”

I just feel so happy there.

And she feels it too/

I insist paying on all her shopping spree.

But she declined.

She just wanted a talk.

And hang out at the arcade for a long time.

I’d do anything just to make her smile,

But she was actually very sad.

I was really in the urge to hit Alfie badly and kill him (overly dramatic)

But yeah.

Hmmm.

She was on bangs that time her hair was with cute fringe bangs.

It wasn’t straight and it doesn’t goes the way she wants it.

She wanted her hair to be like Kerli’s.

She wanted to look creepy.

And her mood flies away somehow.

She complain a lot.

She complain about her hair is ugly.

And she wants to straighten it and stuff and put extensions.

And I laugh everytime she does that,

She looks perfect.

She looks perfect in anything.

I remind that to her evrytime.

And she didn’t complain to much then.

A few weeks later,

I get to meet her Porcelain friends.

They were nice.

They think I should be with her,

I wanted to make a move but I was scared if she doesn’t want to

But I know I have to try.

And so on 18^th August,

I asked her to be my girlfriend.

She gave me an easy answer, which is “NO”

I tried again the next day and the next and the next and the next.

But her answer is always NO.

She said she just wanna be friends with me.

I know deep in her heart somehow,

She loves me.

That’s what her eyes tell me.

Maybe I’m in my own world,

but.

She’s just a mystery and she keeps declining it.

Then she had an intimacy going on with a guy name, Fariq.

I wanted to stop them somehow but she seems happy enough.

But I never gave up.

I watched her everytime still.

I still asked her to be mine and ask her to leave Fariq,

And that’s when she starts to hate and swearing to me.

And it was during the fasting time.

I was fucked.

I was sad, she doesn’t seem to care about me.

When I’m sad.

I eat.

During the fasting season,

I didn’t fast at all.

And I only fast when she reminds me to fast sometimes.

And I did it for her.

And sometimes,

She had to call me in the morning to wake me up for sahor.

I’m so lucky to meet such a girl .

After raya,

Fariq and Farah had nothing together already.

I took that opportunity but it was damn hard.

How could it be so easy on others.

I asked advice from her friends, cousins, even her mum.

But they keep telling me not to give up.

Even if they didn’t tell me that,

I would never give up on her.

I SWEAR I CAN’T LOVE ANY OTHER GIRL.

I hate it when people just leave her like that.

Abandon her like she’s something priceless.

She’s everything to me.

And maybe that’s why.

Maybe it’s because of me people left her.

I feel guilty.

I feel like commiting suicide.

I can’t do that to her.

Loving her is wrong.

But.

It’s complicated.

I really wish it’s easier.

Eventhough I ask her to be my girlfriend everyday,

In every different ways you could have ever imagined,

Like proposing her in front of the public,

Ask her to be my girlfriend, in front of her parents, (which was so humiliating )

Ask her to be my girlfriend, and write in on 20 trees at Shah Alam park, (maybe you guys should check it out. It’s funny.)

And etc.

Sometimes I used the same technique.

Which is either call, text or comment her.

Eventhough I’ve been asking her non-stop.

I was always serious about it.

I was praying a “YES” from the first.

I was hoping and such.

Everytime I ask her to be mine.

It always feels like it’s the first time.

I get nervous.

Butterflies in the stomach.

I love her.

She means a lot to me.

And I would never ever gave up.

I never even thought about it ever.

And I actually,

I had a chance to be with her.

HOW COOL WAS THAT ?

FLASHBACK:

30 0CTOBER 2008;

She just got back from tuition and we were on y.m .

We were blabbing shit and stuff.

And I had this urge to ask her again for the 100++ time.

She gave the answer “No” at first.

And I was begging.

And for the first time,

She asked , “why ? what good will it be ? It’s gonna be the same right ?”

I said, “No. It’s not. It’s gonna be different. If you’re my girlfriend. You can just say I love you to me which you never said to me before and I can hit someone who flirts you and you won’t be able to scold me for doing that because I’m your boyfriend and we can go for a real date. Believe me, it’s not the same okay ? I promise.”

And then she said, “Okay but only for three days…and promise me the best three days I’ve ever had.”

“What ?” my heart beats was gonna burst. I don’t think my right ventricle pumped my blood anyway. I felt my body bloodless. I just can’t believe it. Was she giving me a chance ? Why did she gave me a chance when I asked her in ym. I should have at least called or something.

“Look, don’t spoil it okay ? Three days to remember. Hmm and don’t act like a loser okay? I know I’ve always wanted a guy who can express his feelings but try hiding some. I like puzzles.” farah said again.

“Yeah sure girlfriend.” I said.

“Hahaha. So you’re my boyfriend ey ?” she said.

“Yes Farah’s boyfriend at your service.” I said.

“Hahaha. Lol. Shut up u. I love you Fred.

I jumped of the chair. I felt like I was flung in heaven already. I feel like I wanted her beside me that moment. Gazing into her eyes and tell her how much I love her more but all I wasn’t there.

“I can’t see that. Can you please retype it miss ?” I said.

“I love you Jadri Beyers Khan.” She said.

“What ?” I said

“I love you.” She said again.

“I love you more.” I said.

“Fred,” she said.

“I’m coming over.” I said.

“What ? No you can’t it’s 1.20 a.m in the morning darling, it’s unsafe anyway.” She said.

“Don’t go to sleep just yet okay ? I love you. See you later baby.” I said as I sign out.

At that time, I was at my gramps. At sunway, it’ll take around 15 or 20 minutes to reach hers. I was with my boxers and since I was feeling unwell. I was wearing my blue Adidas blue sweater and a pair of not matching socks. One was spiderman and the other one was Nike. I didn’t change. I wanna know and see if she would love me at my worst. I looked so stupid. Believe me, as I was sick, I was pale. i didn’t even took my shower. I smell bad. My hair was a mess. There could even be lice on my hair. i drove over her house and I sorta sneaked into her house.

I climbed the gate. I called her and asked her to look out the window.

30 seconds later, the curtains of her bedroom opened and I saw the princess.

She was smiling and I could have swear, i could feel that she loves me more than she ever felt about me that night. She was beautiful.

I asked her to go down.

But she refused.

She was scared.

“It’s okay then, see you tomorrow. Happy first day of our couple day, Farah. Thanks for the opportunity.” I said.

“yeah sure. Keep it low. I don’t want you to get in trouble” She smiled.

“Hahaha. I don’t mind.” I said.

“Alright my brave knight. Goodnight beautiful.” She said.

“Goodnight to you too my handsome princess.” I said.

“K bye.” She said.

“bye.” I answered back.

Then she closed the window and wave me goodbye and close the curtains.

And I thought, that just couldn’t be it.

And so I shouted, I know her neighbors could have heard too, “I LOVE YOU FARAH ! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.”

And then I saw the curtains moving again.

She laughed and give me a flying kiss.

She was the best damn thing.

She just know what to do.

And then I left my sweater in her mailbox and a note with it.

“For Farah. From Fred.”

And starting from that day,

That sweater belongs to her.

1^st day: 31^ST October 2008.

It was the first day me and Farah together,

I woke up early.

6.00 a.m in the morning

I woke up Mum, Dad, Sarah and granny.

I told them I finally get the princess.

They were all happy for me.

I took my bath.

All night long, I find it hard to sleep.

I thought about her all night long.

And on the first day,

I can’t wait to see her.

And I drove to Farah’s house. It was 8.00 am and I know she wasn’t awake that time.

I ring the bell of her house and her maid, told me that my baby wasn’t awake.

I asked her to let me in,

And she told me to wait.

And I waited for 5 or 10 minutes and her dad was out the door.

And he said,

“Asal datang pagi-pagi buta ni ?Farah belum bangun lagi .”

As I said,

“She should be up by now lah uncle cause we had plans today ?”

“Hah ? Awal-awal pagi ni ? Asal korang dua orang ni semacam je. What’s between you guys hah ?”

“Well, actually uncle. To be honest with you. I’m her boyfriend.”

“Since when ?”

“Yesterday night and today is my first day and I only have two more days with her.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, Farah said I could only be her boyfriend for three days. I know she doesn’t loves me and she’s only giving me a chance. I want to be with her as long as I could not just 3 days so I have to give her the best 3 days to remember and I can’t waste a second uncle.”

“Right. You have to remember that you’re only her boyfriend. Not husband okay ? And you’re acting like you married her already.”

“No you don’t understand. Farah meants a lot to me. I badly want her to be my girlfriend. Isn’t that obvious ? and now that I have her. I can’t explain to you how lucky enough I am. Don’t worry because as long as I’m with her. I’ll take good care of her.”

“macam-macam. Do you want me to wake her up now ?”

“Yes. No. I meant yes but…”

“Mana satu ni, yes no yes no.”as he lifted his eyebrows

“Can I wake her up myself, uncle ?”

“That’s too much to ask, Jadri.”

“Please, 3 days to remember.”

“Erm, nope. I can wake her up.”

“Uncle, she’ll remember all this small things I do to her. Please ?”

“sigh* (10 seconds) Okay.”

“Thanks.”

And so, I walk upstairs to her room. I was all excited to wake the princess up and I didn’t knock on the door. The door wasn’t lock. So I just went it. Her room was cold and dark. She seems to have a good time sleeping. She was actually sleeping with Fareez. I knew she was lying when she said she’s been sleeping alone all this while,

Her dad was waiting in front of the door. Does he really think I’m going to rape her daughter that I love so much ?

I opened the curtains, so that I brighten her day already. I closed the air-cond next. I go next to her, she doesn’t sleep so bad like I though she did. She was covered with her blanket and she was hugging this blue pillow.

I touch her hair and smudge her face,

Her eyes opened,

And I said,

“Good morning princess,” in a lower tone.

She’s weird, she smiled and she went back to sleep.

Maybe she thought she was dreaming.

I didn’t wanna wake her up anymore so I waited next to her bed.

I’ll wait till she wakes up.

Her dad told me to go out.

I refused.

He said to wait outside.

I showed him my three fingers and he shook his head.

I convinced him, it’s okay.

And he go off with Farah’s bedroom door wide open.

I find a book, but they were all girls book and there was tons of Russell Lee’s ghost books.

And so I found something else, more amusing.

Not her diary, but her stories that she wrote under her bed.

It was all well written, they were happy ones.

My favorite was,

“Mr sunshine.”

Sometimes, Farah seems struggling in her sleep.

I wish I could save her from her dream,

If she’s having one.

And then Fareez was pulling Farah’s blanket.

I get up.

I pull Fareez’s blanket and I put it on Farah.

Fareez was awake.

And he wipe his eyes,

“Weyh camana kau masuk ?”

“Aku panjat tingkap.”

“Hah? Nanti bapak aku Nampak kau macam mana ?”

“Biar ah.”

“Aku tak tau eh.”

“Rilex lah. I’m not scared.”

He was blur.

He wanted to wake Farah up.

And then I said,

“Jangan ah gerak dia bodoh.”

“Habis tu ? Kau duduk kat sini drpd bila ?”

“Daripada semalam.”

“Gaybang !”

“Betul lah.

“Kau buat seks dengan Farah masa aku tidur eh ?”

“Tak.”

“Tipu, aku bagi tahu bapak aku eh.”

“Jgn lah.”

“Bagi aku 100 ringgit dulu.”

“Taknak.”

“and then he shouted, Baba ! Adri a.k.a Fred ada dalam bilik”loudly.

I know he was trying to protect Farah too.

Farah woke up and hit Fareez on the arm,

“Boleh diam tak ? Susah ah tido. Keluar ah .” she said.

I laugh.

She look back and saw me.

She was on her night gown, black and white.

“Jadri ?!!? !”

“Good morning princess” as I went near her and kiss her cheeks.

“What are you doing here ?”

“I wanna wake you up.”

“My dad will kill you.”

“He killed me already and now I’m alive again. And that makes me a zombie” I said as I act like a zombie and I sit next to her.

“Haha. Good morning dear. I stink and I shall stink you too.” As she kissed me at the cheeks too.

“Farah stinks. I’m dying.” As I lay back and pretend that I die.

Farah get up,

And pose.

“The day is save thanks to powerpuff Farah”

Fareez went out to check on my dad.

Farah followed.

I told Farah to get a dress,

I’m taking her out.

“Okay Adri, cari baju i.”

“Okay dear.”

There were clothes but in my head, I wanted her to wear my sweater. So I ran down and I ran outside and took my sweater in the mailbox which I left there the day before.”

“Where did you go ?” farah asked.

“Here wear this k ?” I said.

“Okay. It’s rather big. It’s your sweater.”

“I want you to wear it, please ?”

“Okay adri. Keluar keluar, nak mandi, it’s gonna take a while okay ?”

“Okay. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

“k.”

“Farah, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I love you more.”

“hahaha keluar lah cepat. Nak mandi.”

“okay okay”

And so I went downstairs and i sat beside Fareez. Farissa was up too.

Farissa was curious and she smiled.

Fareez was eating.

I went near Farissa and mess her hair.

And then I poke her back.

And then she hit me.

She chased me.

And I ran.

Farah’s dad watched me as I stop and sit beside Fareez watching Armageddon.

Farah’s dad invited me for breakfast.

I said,”thanks. It’s okay. Is auntie Liza up ?”

“Yes she is, she’s in the kitchen.”

I went to the kitchen to salam her mum.

“Nak bawak Farah pergi mana today ?”

“Tu ah. Taktau lagi. Kalau auntie. Auntie nak pergi mana ?”
“Anywhere special”

“I’ll think of somewhere.”

Her mum smiled. I smiled back.

Then, Farah shouted my name. I ran upstairs to get to my girl.

“Yes love?”

“This sweater is big, do you really think it’s okay ?” she said.

I take a look and I swear she’s the most beautiful girl ever.

She’s perfect in my sweater. She really is.

“You look beautiful.” I said.

“You think so ?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think it’s okay for me to wear this dress with your sweater. It’s not… sexy”

“No you look perfect. Don’t change.”

“Okay.” She smiled.

She came up to me, and give me this warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. That was the first one and then she whispered,

“I love you Fred. I love you forever.” Into my ear.

That was the moment I felt worth living for.

After that, I asked her where did she wanted to go.

She said “you were supposed to surprise me.”

“Yeah yeah. I was going to (but I really had no idea at all)”

“Okay. Take me there.”
“Okays.”

I really had no idea where to take her.

Then something flash in my mind.

WONDERFUL.

I salam her dad and her mum.

Her dad told me to take care of her,

And gave me blings.

I refused anyway.

And so I took their baby girl away for awhile.

“Why aren’t we going with a car ?” she asked.

“Have you ever went somewhere far without a car, love ?” I asked back.

“Nope. FYI adri dude. I got low blood pressure. If you want to take me for an exercise. I’m going home.”

“No you’re not.”

“Ad, I will faint. Is that what you want ?”

“No. Farah baby will you just relax, Jadri’s got your back love.”

“Ok.”

We walked from Farah at seksyen 7 and walked till SACC,

She was all sweaty and stuff.

At one point she said, “Adri, I’m tired. Let’s take a cab.”as she sat down on the grass and lay down. She didn’t care if it’s all dirty anymore.

Then I sit down next to her and put her head on my laps and said, “I’m sorry we had to walk. I wanted to spent more time with you.”

“It’s okay. I like to walk, I wish I hadn’t got bloody bad health problems.”

“No, we should have use the car. Are you okay ?”

“I’m not. I’m dizzy.”

“C’mon. I’ll take you back home.”

“I don’t wanna go home. I wanna stay with you.”

“And who says I’m gonna leave you ? I’ll be with you all day long.”

“Okay.”

“Okay come on, hop on my back. I’ll carry you now.”

“I’m heavy.”
“I don’t care. Hop on love.”

She hops on and yes she’s heavy as I’m not so tough nor fat.

But I keep on carrying her.

She couldn’t keep still, she just had to mess my hair. press my nipples, kick my butt and she kicked my legs and I fall down.

She fall down too.

And her legs bleed a bit, there was a cut because she was wearing a dress and the dress torn a bit.

She just laughed anyway.

Weird.

“Let’s do that again.”

“Hahaha” I laughed.

There was a hill nearby.(it was at the taman tasik that time)

I took her hands and climbed up top and sit there with my love.

She took of my sweater put it on my laps.

“It’s so hot. I can’t breathe anymore. And why are we sitting here like a mad shit” She asked.

“Well, we’re looking at the time passing by. Don’t you think it’s just so weird?” I said.

“what is jadri ?”

“Time. It just pass and pass. Without realizing we’re getting old every second , every millisecond.”

“You’re right. I never thought about it.”

“huh. I wanna waste all my time with you Farah. Not just this three days.”

She stare at me, as if she was gonna say something but she just ends up smiling.

WEIRD.

“we better get moving , don’t you think ?” i said

“yeah. Urm I’m not tired anymore. Can we just not go back to my house? But this time take a cab ?” she said.

“Yeah yeah. Okay Farah Aida.”

“Setan punya budak. Takyah panggil aku Aida, babi ah” she said.

“Aida Aida AIDA !”

She runs away from me.

She’s fast for a low blood pressure kid.

I chased her and then there was some like rempit people jerking her off.

This time it’s funny,

And cute but it’s something unexpected.

She looks like she wants to fight back with them.

But I know she must be thinking that she doesn’t wanna mess with this low shit rempit people.

She ran away from them and hugged me.

I felt so strong somehow.

And then the ugly rempiters when like,

“Weh balak dia ah. Chow ah.”

And thenthere’s this guy whose skinny, and short with ugly Ray-Ban’s and wear skinny jeans, and tight tee with oranged colored hair was like,

“Pergh kecoh sial kecoh sial.”

I was like watafuck ?

And then I went up to them and said,

“pahal kacau girlfriend aku fucker ?”

I thought they were gonna fight back but they apologized,

And Farah was scared which I didn’t expect her to actually.

They walkaway and Farah took my hands and we took another way.

Farah then, called a cab and we took off about 15 minutes later.

We first went to Sunway,

Just to get some chocolate marshmallows and then we were off again,

We then, just walked wherever our foot’s taking us.

I carried her behind my back.

I learned many things from that walk.

It was a walk to remember actually.

I learn lots of things I wont tell you that day.

I can say I am in love with her very deeply.

IN AND OUT.

At certain point,

I already love someone so much as much as I love my parents.

You know if you wanna know how much you love someone,

You just have to imagine what are you without that someone.

Like I am totally useless without my parents.

I’d die without my parents cause I don’t know how I’d survive without them,

And that’s how I feel about farah.

She can’t be replace.

She just can’t.

She’ll be the last.

I swear to god.

Everybody’s witnessing this,

I love her and you won’t understand really.